No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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