so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
