there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
