using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
