Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How external is "for external use only"?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize