he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
