Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
