I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm at about main and main street
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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