So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
