i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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