Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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