oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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