xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
