Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
