just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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