his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize