we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm like, not good at living.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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