i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Randomize
