All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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