Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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