I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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