we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
