the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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