The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
