There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
