I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
PANTIES FOUND
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
