I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize