her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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