my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Boobs are out for the taking
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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