And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
