hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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