Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
