come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
