waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
