I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
