I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
