I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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