He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
