fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
