I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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