R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
