Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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