she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
