It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
