SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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