R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
