this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
