I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
