she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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