I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
