yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
