All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
