do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it penis luge time yet?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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