I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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