He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
