i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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