2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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