She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
