i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
