After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
