Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
