The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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